you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
