Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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