Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
