This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
