Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
