um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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