47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
