just come out here and I will go home with you...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
