Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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