My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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