I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
