Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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