I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
