she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
