So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
