Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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