Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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