2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
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