in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
