i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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