wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
