OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
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