Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
