No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Randomize
