how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
