I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize