so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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