Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
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What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
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Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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