Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
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