come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
