also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
