Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
