You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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