Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
