During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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