My hand turned me down
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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