remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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