You can't special order awesome
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
