I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
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I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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