I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Houston, we have a blender
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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