I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
