I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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