Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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