I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
