Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
