I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
