I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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