I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
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He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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