Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
