I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
