Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
