I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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