I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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