My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
