I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
