awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
