At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
