did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
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do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
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I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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