I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You're a waste of cheezeits
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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