oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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