How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I forget how to act sober
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
