so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dignity is for republicans.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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