Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
