Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
