I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
