i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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