Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
i love accidental penises.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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