Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Boobs speak an international language.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
