I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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